You are more than you know. You carry star dust within you as you run your daily errands. Your eyes gleam with the substance of the heavens. Your dreams originate from distant universal orchestrations. Your words have been uttered by angelic tongues. You are a divine thought. You are a divine love.
Finding fault in others has taken on the intensity of a gold mining operation which has 100 percent certainty of hitting the mother-lode.~ K.Cline
“He has but one fault, but that fault is a grand one.” ~Lever
“Unable to attribute misfortune to chance, unable to accept their ultimate insignificance within the greater scheme, the people looked for monsters in their midst.”
“I am sure that the reason why I wept and stormed as if I had gone off my head was that the combination of physical exhaustion and my unhappiness had made me hate and resent everything.”
“…That’s all it takes, one drop of fear, to curdle love into hate.”
“People always wanted someone to blame, didn’t they?”
“Stop pointing fingers and placing blame on others. Your life can only change to the degree that you accept responsibility for it.”
“When I look inside myself,
I find I am to blame,
For everything that I’ve done wrong,
And said others were to blame.”
“Quotes” from Goodreads
“Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak knits up the o-er wrought heart and bids it break.”
― William Shakespeare, Macbeth
The five stages of grief, as explained by psychiatrist, Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Healing and loss speaker, David Kessler, has gone on to add a sixth stage of grief – meaning. My thoughts on this 6th stage to grief is that we all want “meaning” when we have gone through a loss, or a perceived loss. We all want understanding.
The length and levels of this theoretical, systematic process vary. Each individual will (and should) invariably go through some level of grieving over each actual loss, or each perceived loss. I say “perceived loss” because the pain experienced can be just as real when you “think” you have lost something or someone permanently through death or destruction. This may not be the case. Possibly, someone has temporarily removed themselves from your life, and they later get in touch with you to reconnect. Or, you may have misplaced a valuable object and weeks later find it. These scenarios can seem permanent at the time, and may trigger the stages of grief. It is still a feeling of loss to you, even if it is remedied later on.
I highly recommend that people seek out professional help with their grief process.
When a child loses a toy, or has a toy jerked from her hands by another child, and she is unable to retrieve it, she may go into a process of grief. Every stage might not be exhibited in the precise order that most text books list, but there will be a display of emotional levels. I believe that each person will go through a necessary grieving process, unless that person stymies it with the dark ink of bitterness.
In truth, there is no “end” to the grieving process when you have lost a loved one. Early in the grief process, grief can act like a sinkhole that deepens and widens with each recount of the “incident.” The pain surrounding the loss of a loved one may slightly lessen years down the road, but the memory of that loss seems to stay with most people for the rest of their lives. I have talked with people who have prematurely lost a loved one. They have expressed that they are always aware that their loved one is gone, and they are always aware of a sense, or feeling of loss in their emotions.
When you are stymied in the grief process by bitterness, the ink of that bitterness frames and floods the remembrance surrounding the loss. Bitterness can poison the entire process and keep you in a stage of grief for years beyond what is normal, and again, I use the word “normal” lightly.
I have had conversations with people that experienced loss, and I could still see the bitter anger on their face – twenty years after the incident of loss. The daily torment of bitterness takes a toll on the health and well-being of a person. Don’t let bitterness stymie the process of grief and grief recovery. Seek help from a professional.
National Helpline for substance abuse and mental health 1.800.662. 4357 (HELP)
National Suicide Prevention Helpline 1.800.273.8255
We search for reasons after a loss, or perceived loss. “Why” becomes the question of a lifetime.
After the stages of grief have been dredged through (some stages can last for awhile), we can find some solace in beauty.
Beauty allows the emotions to focus, if only briefly, on something other than “why.”
Look for beauty around you, and allow yourself time to linger in that presence and relax for a moment.
Who you are
Who you’ve been
Forever and always
Beauty is a necessary part of humanity. We need beauty to speak to our emotions. Beauty to the soul is like water poured out on parched earth. Beauty sinks in to our thought life and produces a higher level of thinking. It elevates our mind. It provides refreshing relief, which in turn provides creativity, renewed hope, and energy to press on with daily goals.
“The swinging lantern, hanging from a hook in the ceiling of her craft, cast the dramatic, shifting shadows on the floor and walls, which reminded her that the waters could be treacherous.”
My friend, there is no guarantee that life will be smooth. But we are here, and life is to be lived, not just viewed. Grab a life vest, find a sturdy craft, contact loved ones as needed, then jump in and join life. Navigate wisely and enjoy the journey.