I admit it. I am using this blog as a self-help tool. It is a journal replete with my desire to find, assess, and deal with issues that have persistently dogged me from my childhood. But you may have already guessed as much, and in that sense, you are further ahead of my healing than I am.
I find no shame in using a journal for healing. Writing is and always has been an outlet (see older posts) where I have explored the deep caverns of disillusionment, pain, mistakes, etc.
I did recently find a psalm for this new year that has brought some light to my quest and given me a reason for continuing to pursue my self-help goals.
“Even when their path winds through the dark valley of tears,
They dig deep to find a pleasant pool where others find only pain.”
— Psalm 84:6 The Passion Translation
Like a light bulb that is turned on out of necessity, while at the same time temporarily blinding the eyes that were previously in the dark; this psalm speaks to me and helps me to understand why I so often dig in the muck of the past. I am looking for the pleasant pool.
I have found pain in this quest, but in the digging I have discovered valid reasons for the question why, pinpointed mistakes, and recognized stupidity along with gaining knowledge about raw humanness.
It is still a journey. It is still an excavation. I am still at the dig site looking for that pleasant pool. Others may have been on that same path and felt that the pain was more than they could handle. I am sorry that they only found the pain. A word of advice that I would give is to press on past the pain and find that pleasant pool, for later in Psalm 84 it says, “They grow stronger and stronger with every step forward until they find all their strength in you…”
This desire, pursuit, or goal attainment could be relabeled as an obsession, and to that thought I will raise a glass to toast to a healthier new year. KC2018